stepping closer to the edge

for the past number of nights, i've been having disconcertingly weird dreams. although they're not in the tune of t-rexes and swat team commandoes running around in a primordial forest, they have been pretty recurrent with different characters figuring into the script. huh. makes me wonder whether my subconscious is trying to tell me something or if it's the delayed reaction to work-related stress. what's irritating is that i never get to finish them so i'm always left hanging.

* * *

i'm starting to feel that niggling kernel of discontent again. work has been comme ci comme ca at its best and très mauvais at its worst. i miss my friends, both here and abroad. i don't see the gang anymore. i can't go out to blow off steam like i was able to back in france (ah freedom, sweet freedom). i'd give anything for a glass of ice cold faro and a night of brutal ice hockey.

aaaaaagggghhhh!!!!

i want to throw a full-blown temper tantrum but i'll probably just hate myself afterwards for being so damned immature. i think my boss sensed that it was lurking beneath the surface and she has been talking to me about my career path within the company. i think it's great that she sees me in the future of the company and is making a point to give me more responsibilities which would normally be given to a more senior or at least a more experienced employee. but i dunno... sometimes i just wanna rip all their fucking heads off.

if growing up means senility and the inability to make simple decisions then take me to nevernever land, baby.